Getting back to the Essentials

We had a rough go of it for quite a while, over a year with the issues we were having with my second and third born destroying things and acting very badly. However, we have now had 2 ½ weeks of no serious issues with the kids! I believe we have had break through! It’s interesting though, the breakthrough really came in my heart before it materialized in my kid’s behavior.

About three weeks ago I was getting up to get ready for work, I was really feeling discouraged and like God had deserted us. As I rolled out of bed that morning I just had this burning desire to worship. The sense I had was that my life depended on it. So I grabbed my guitar and some music out of my desk and just began worshiping the Lord. As I worshiped I could feel the presence of God come into our bedroom and fill my heart. It had been months since I sensed God in this way. For the first time since it all began I wept as waves of God’s love swept over me. He met me in a deeply personal way. When I was done, I knew we still had problems, but that somehow God was with me and I would be able to stand whatever came.

As I prayed and thought about our situation, I came to realize that what was going on with my kids was a cry for attention. I good friend and I had met about our situation, he mostly just heard me out as I poured out our tale of woe. Later he wrote me an email to tell me of a problem he had with his daughter when she became suicidal, and how he had started just teaching her how to play guitar and all the suicidal stuff just went away. It turns out she just needed more time from daddy.

As I reflected on this and our situation It became clear to me that my kids were crying out for attention. It was at that moment I felt the gentle but heartbreaking conviction of the Lord. Years ago when we were pregnant with our first born I felt that the Lord was impressing upon me that my primary mission field while my children are still in my home, are my children. In the beginning I feel like I did a fairly good job of fulfilling that mandate. However somehow over the years, very gradually, and almost imperceptibly, I lost my focus, my way. The cares and busyness of life began creeping out the important things. I realized that I was short changing my kids.

I did two things immediately, the first is I started making a very conscious effort to spend more time with the kids as a group, and with each one of them one on one. Secondly I stepped down from the Non profit group I have worked with for the last several years. My family has to come first after God. Maybe someday I will go back, but for now my focus is on making sure my 5 precious ones know Jesus.

Now, we are still disciplining when things go wrong, I am not letting them get away with anything, but I am also trying to do a better job of showing them that I love them and value them. IN my book they are second only to my wife, second only to God. If I screw up everything else in life, I want to do this one thing right, that my children would KNOW God!

World View

As a Christian, do you shape your world view by your faith and knowledge of God and His word, or do you shape your Christianity by your world view?

The Battle of Helms Deep

The Battle of Helms Deep seems like a good allegory for what is going on in our country and in my home. At home we are struggling to correct some chronic bad child behaviours and it's been tough going. In the United States we are facing 9% unemployment, sky rocketing food and fuel prices and failing foreign policy by our government.

Yet, as dark as it all seems lately, I pray that the analogy of the allegory of Helms Deep continues, because in the end the good guys prevail, good triumphs over evil.

God sustain us and help us to not only survive, but thrive.

I hate Religion

No I don’t mean I hate God, I don’t mean I am not a Christian, I mean that I hate religion in the sense of Webster’s third definition of the word : “scrupulous conformity”. Jesus said, “Beware of the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees. What did he mean when he said this? Simply put he was warning us to beware of their teaching. Who where they and what was their teaching? They were the leaders of the Jewish religion at the time, simply put they were the “church leaders”. And why did Jesus Christ contend with them? Because they were hypocrites and put heave religious burdens on the people, large lists of rules, dos and don’ts which had nothing to do with God’s law or the condition of their heart.
Modern day Christendom has its own version of this in many Christian leaders. I did not say all, but many. We here sermon’s preached on not smoking, not drinking alcohol, do not gamble, read your bible every day, pray an hour a day, and the list goes on. It’s not that some of these things are not good ideas, but the idea that they should be religiously applied to every Christian allows no room for the Holy Spirit to work in specific, individual Circumstances. Galatians 5:1 says “It was for freedom that Christ has set us free. Do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” (emphasis added)
The context of this passage is that Paul is warning the Galation church not to give in to those that wanted to subjugate Christians to the old Jewish laws and customs, and specifically to circumcision. It seems even after 2000 years, we are still arguing with ourselves over laws and regulations, does and don’ts. We still have leaders who want to burden us down with long lists of thing we must do in order to be a “good Christian” or be a “good whiteness.” In fact this last statement has been used to justify all sorts of heavy yokes upon people, and as a judgment against those who don’t CONFORM.
It is obvious that we should not sin. Specifically we should not violate the ten commandments. We should Love God and Love our neighbor. Obviously we should be above reproach and follow God’s will as led by the Holy Spirit. But Christians often make a rule or law out of something which is not a law, such as “You must have devotions every day.” Is it to please God we have devotions, or to please those who say we should? Too often has the enemy of our soul used the fear of man to brow beat us into scrupulous conformity. He seeks to make our faith nothing more than a wearisome list of rules we must follow instead of a life giving relationship with the Living God.

Relationship with God or a list of rules to follow.

Which do you think brings life?

Life is WAR!

One of the things that I am trying to accept is that life is war. What I mean is that we were all born in to a world war which has been raging since before the garden of Eden. The sooner we all come to grips with that and accept that we must pick our swords every day, that is when we can truly find peace. I know that sounds ironic and it may not make since unless the Lord reveals it to you. In some ways I take comfort in the fact that the enemy opposes us, it means we are still a threat to him. It means we are still alive and have not given up. Jesus said in this world we would have all kinds of struggles. I don’t think he just meant persecution at the hands of non believers. I am not looking for a demon behind every malfunction, but many times there are,
“influences”. Victory does not look like the cessation of battle, it looks like living to fight another day. It looks like overcoming and thwarting the enemy’s plans. Yes, in this world we will have struggles, but HE said, fear not for I have overcome the world.

It’s exhausting at times. Sometimes I want to give up. But it’s times like those that His strength is perfected in my weakness. God has a dramatic flair I think, and likes to come in and save the day just in the nick of time. As they say, it is always darkest before the dawn. Life is like the battle of Helm’s Deep in the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy. That battle is intense and seems endless. Just as it seems darkness will win and all hope is lost, the sun rises, night is ended and good comes in to save the day.

He cares for his beloved and is always there fighting besides us, even when we can’t see Him. Sometimes we don’t see Him, because He is fighting at our back.

Please forgive me, God's not finished with me yet

So there was this situation where someone was harassing us and I was sure I knew who it was. I was absolutely positive. Just one problem. I was absolutely wrong!

This harassment had started several months ago and continued until this week. I had pretty much figured out who had done this, or so I had thought. Things turned an unusual corner when the real culprit, heavy under the conviction of the Lord, confessed to me what they had done, and asked for my forgiveness.

Though I muck things up frequently, He was with me in power today. I forgave this individual and explained to them how I can forgive because Jesus first forgave me. I can’t withhold from someone else what God freely gave me, His love and forgiveness. So I guess, if it brings this person closer to Jesus, it was worth it! Surely one soul is worth a little suffering.

Beyond the lesson of enduring a little suffering for Christ’s sake, I also learned a valuable lesson through this situation. No matter how guilty we think someone may be when we think we have it all figured out… we can be completely 100% wrong! Not only that, but were we not all guilty before Christ paid for our sins?

There are situations where we must assess situations and motives, where we must make decisions based on wisdom. But when it comes to Judgment, that should be left to the Lord, for He is the only righteous judge.

I called the person I had accused of this harassment, hard as it was, to tell them that I found out who was really responsible and that I was sorry I accused them and that I hopped they would forgive me for any pain and distress I caused. It was an honest mistake, but still a mistake

I thank God that he put a check in my spirit and restrained me from doing what my flesh wanted, something that would be destructive to the future healing of the relationship. Once again, God saves the day and takes what the enemy meant for evil, and turned into a learning experience for all.

Aragorn or Anakin?

As I struggled through the spring and the first half of the summer, the question burning in my mind was “Am I Aragorn or Anakin?” Aragorn is the ranger in the Lord of the Rings which eventually goes on to be the King of Gondor. Anakin is a Jedi night who turns to the dark side and forsakes his greater destiny. So this summer as I struggled with many things and at times I felt like giving up, I asked myself which I was.

Both these characters came to a critical juncture, a crossroads where they had to make a choice. That choice changed their lives foreseer, everything hinged on it for good or evil, for magnificents or mediocrity. In many ways this summer was one of those crossroads for me.

I could feel God’s calling on my life, but it just seem so hard to follow Him at times, that I just wanted to give up, throw in the towel. It was never any one major thing, but it was a whole host of mosquito size problems that wore me down. Things breaking, work, issues with kids, fatigue, spiritual attacks, etc, etc. Many times I felt completely alone. I felt like there was no one who understood.

Still through it all God was with me, patient, loving and guiding. Even in those times I felt alone, I look back and see that He was with me. Now I know who I am and I see the work God is doing in me and the work that He will do through me. I will choose to be Aragorn, which is to say that I will obediently seize the destiny God lays before me and what ever end that leads to. To give up is to completely fail. That will not be my path. I choose to risk failure, rather than to fail surely by not trying at all. God came through for me and made me able to choose the better path.

As God led me out of the wilderness this summer, I realized that much of what I had been experiencing was an assignment of the enemy against me to prevent me from taking up the task the Lord set’s before me now. He knew, and it scared him to death and then as now, the enemy tries to prevent me from reaching my goal. But he will not succeed, for I already know how the story ends. The bible tells us the Satan will be defeated in the end. The God of peace will soon crush Satan underneath your feet!

There for I will draw my breath, my bread, indeed all that I am and have from Jesus Christ, and that makes all the difference.

I post this for all to see, for I know I am not really alone in experiencing these kinds of things. I hope that this will encourage you to press into the Lord further, seek him wholeheartedly and seize His destiny for you. The enemy oppresses you because he hates you and fears you. Realize however, he has no real power over you so long as you keep your eyes on Jesus. We all have a part to play in God’s plan, don’t let the enemy take you out! God wants you for his army!

The Stupid Things we do because of Fear!

I got to thinking about it today, and fear is a pretty useless emotion. No, I am not talking about not touching a hot stove because we could get burned, I am talking the more psychological emotional type of fear. Some stuff at work today got me really thinking about things people do out of fear. And sometimes things they don't do.

I mean think about it, think of all the stupid things humans have done because of fear. Fear of loosing your job, fear of people, fear of not being liked, fear of some crisis, etc. The list goes on and on.

I know this lady, she is afraid of losing her job. So, she ends up being a real horses you know what and being a general jerk to coworkers... because of fear.

We have all seen examples of people how are afraid of not being liked and given into drugs, sex or alcohol and end up destroying their lives... because of fear.

And even myself, I know that I have failed to step up at times and confront messy situation due to a fear of what others would think or how they would act... because of fear.

The bible tells us that God did not give us a spirit of fear. So I encourage you and myself, not to give in to fear, but simply trust in Him who gives us the authority of the prince of fear and his minions, for if we belong to Jesus, we have NOTHING to fear. Amen. Lord help me to live this out.

Summer Star Gazing

So, with the abnormal cold we have had this summer, it has allowed me some of the best astronomy weather I have ever had for the summer stars. Last night I took the scope out side and did a little star gazing! You will have to let me know what you think. The first photograph is of an bject called the Trifid Nebula, near the constellation of Sagitariaus. The second photo is of the Eagle Nebula and last but not least, Jupiter and it's moon Ganymede (Top) and Europa (bottom)

8 Years to the day...

Eight years to the day... my wife and I's first child would be eight year old. Since then the Lord has blessed us with 4 wonderful, healthy children. But this was not t be for Ezri, our first child. Ezri's due date was May 25th, 2001. However, Ezri's life ended just six weeks after conception, although Ezri's mother and I did not find out for another six weeks after that. To many, what we lost was not even a baby, but we know that it was, that it was a child unique in all creation.

So on this day, eight years later, while I rejoice in the four children God has blessed us with here, and revel in their exploits as we watch them grow, I look forward to that day when our whole family can be reunited, when Ezri can meet Ezri's three brothers and sister. What a day that will be as we rejoice at the feet of our King.

God bless you everyone, and God bless you Ezri. No daddy still has not forgotten you. Not now, not ever.

How Should the Church as a Fellowship Give?

First of all, I want to relay a true story to you which is an example of how NOT do things when it comes to benevolent giving. Several years ago, Joan and I were in a young married Sunday school. In many ways, it was an awesome period in our marriage and our walk with the Lord. Our young marrieds group was very close. We had an awesome time worshiping and fellowshipping. We all knew each other and often got together outside of the context of our Sunday school.

Well, at some point some dear friends of ours in that Sunday school encountered a financial hardship. They were a single income family at the time and money was tight. Then their central AC went out. The word from the HVAC man was that it needed to be replaced, and they did not have the money to fix it. On top of that, this happened during a particularly hot and sticky summer.

Our group decided to bless this family, which had been a member of our little fellowship for years. We were all going to contribute to a pot and give them enough money to pay for a significant portion of a new AC unit. Then the "Church" got involved. By church, I mean the corporation, the official 501c3 incorporated church. Someone in church leadership got wind of the situation and insisted that this gift could not come directly from those who gave, but had to come from through the organization which was the church, (not to be confused with what I believe the church is really supposed to be, a fellowship of believers). On top of that, they said we could not just give the money to them, we had to pay it directly to the AC company. What complicated this more was the fact that by the bureaucracy which was the church office got it's act together, this family who had been sweltering in the heat for months now, finally just purchased a new AC unit on credit. In end we were able to convince the powers that be in this church to give the money directly to the family so they could pay off the credit they used to purchase the AC.

The point of all this is that we did not see ourselves so much as duty bound members of this particular church as much as we were just a fellowship of believers who cared for one another and wanted to just spontaneously through the Spirit, to bless this family. The corporate church, (as in corporation) butted into the situation and I feel, stifled the spirit and delayed God's blessing and provision for this family.

My analysis of this behavior in retrospect is that this was about control. It seemed like church leadership was afraid that we might do it wrong and that we did not go through them. We weren't trying to use church funds, or use any resource of the church, but because we were all belonging to this Sunday school, which was in this church, they felt we needed to submit to their authority on this matter. Now we did submit, to honor the Lord, not to honor men, but I feel God was grieved by the way the bureaucracy intruded into this situation.

This all seems to come out of three things, religiosity, (read Pharisees), a spirit of control, and a substantial fear that they laity might do it wrong, and I suppose by extension, that the leadership would some how be held responsible by God or men. Now I totally agree whether it's our personal finances, or a church’s, that we have an obligation and duty to spend our money wisely and not just throw it away. However, I think we can go too far in defining rules and regulations, where we offer the Spirit no room to work. Yes, we don't want to give money to the drug addict we know is going to go use it to by cocaine, that's just common sense. But what about the poor family down the road? Do we not give to them because they might buy a big Mac instead of fruits and veggies at the supermarket?

This leads to my next point. The bible tells us we are to be generous an give hilariously. Now if I give $50 to a beggar, whose money is it, mine, the beggars, or God's? Whose responsibility is it what the beggar does with that money? If God told me to give it to him, it's God's responsibility, meaning that this frees me from the need to control it or force the beggar to purchase only church approved items. At that point, what the beggar does with the money becomes an issue between him and God. Sometimes I think we take on more responsibility than we should on these items, ours is only to obey. So how do we give to others in a responsible way,... through the Spirit! If we are one with Christ, we are also one with the Father and the Spirit, and can know His will. Therefore, if we give according to the Spirit's leading, we can never go wrong.

In conclusion, I would say, yes we need some general guidelines on giving, so people basically know where the boundaries are and what's appropriate. That being said, those guidelines should not be so rigid that the Lord can't use us to do something we think is ridiculous, but in reality is at the bulls eye of what God wants to do.

Etwal Gade - Star Watching

I thought you might want to see another photo one of my favorite hobbies, star watching. This is a photo of the Great Orion Nebula in the constellation of Orion. I took this photograph on January 31, 2009 using my Olympus E-1 camera and my Orion 8" Telescope. This photo is a composite of two photographs, 1 of a 60 second exposure and one of a 10 second exposure. Doing this allows me to capture the brightness and color of the gas cloud, while at the same time being able to capture the fine detail toward the center of the nebula. What you are looking at is hydrogen and other traces gasses being ionized by the large stars in the center of the nebula. The radiation and solar wind from these stars is what powers this nebula and makes it one of the most wonderful things in the night sky.

There was a time when I felt guilty about spending time on this hobby. However I cam to realize that for me, this was a form of worship of my creator and a wonderful way for me to spend time with him, since I am usually out late by myself when I do this. I hope you enjoy this and the other photos I have posted here. Here to the right, you can see a photo of the moon I took on the same night.

Painting for an audiance of One

Stirring...

Recently a member of the fellowship we are a part of gave everyone at our home meeting a book written by a young artist named Akiane and her mother. She began painting at a very young age and has what I call a miraculous ability to draw and paint. You can see some of her work and read a bit about her story at http://www.akiane.com/. I found as I read her life story so far, and viewed her painting that something inside me stirred. Something I had almost forgotten about.

Where the dried paint is...

Many of those who know me may not know this, but I used to paint. Seriously. Now don't get me wrong, my ability is no where near what I would call professional, no one would sell any of my paintings for even a 100 dollars much less thousands, but paint I did. I love to create, and painting was one of those outlets for me. And then life happened, got busy, moved on to other things. Sitting somewhere in the garage was a box with some old tubes of paint and some brushes.

Awakening...

The more I read about Akiane's story, I began to wonder where my old brushes were. I began to be drawn to paint again. Now, I am not kidding my self, you will probably never see my work at an art show or at a museum, or pay lots of money for it, but I felt drawn (pardon the pun) to paint, and began to feel that this was at the Lord's leading. As the fire welled up within me, I felt I just had to find my brushes. I tore my garage apart for some time, totally disorganizing it, until I found them, long forgotten until now.

Painting for an Audience of One...

So with my feeble skill, I paint for an audience of one. For it was He who gave me hands to hold the brush, it was He who gave me a mind to perceive beauty, and it was He who provided the inspiration to paint in a hundred sunsets and thousands of glistening ocean waves. I feel that for me, I must paint and I must paint for Him, to bring him glory in what ever small way I can, and because it was He who put this desire in me.

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

Today I went to the store and bought a few more colors (to replace some of the one's dried out) and a few new brushes. I brought them home tonight and my children were very excited and wanted desperately to watch daddy paint. Especially my second born. In passing I had mentioned that I felt God was leading me to paint again, but I did not make a big point of it. I did not promise to paint tonight, and had not really meant to paint tonight. But for some reason my big "bug bug", got it set in his mind that daddy was going to paint tonight. Well I was busy and it came time for bedtime, I told him he could watch me paint tomorrow. He immediately burst into tears. I pulled him aside and I asked him, "buddy, what's wrong?" "I really wanted to watch you paint..." he replied. When I asked him way he said "I think if Jesus told you to paint, you should paint." How could I say no to that? Out of the mouths of babes, comes the voice of the almighty. So I painted one of the Sand dollars I brought back from South Carolina many years ago. With my children huddled around, I painted a sunset over the ocean.

Why...?

Why do I paint, I mean really? I don't know. I think partly it's a mystery he will unravel for me at a later time. All I know for sure, is that it is for Him, and I enjoy it.

What gives value

For many years I struggled with my worth as a human being. Often thinking I was inferior, worthless and useless. Over the years however, the Lord has been faithful to re-write this defective piece of my programming. Through the relentless efforts of my loving wife, divine intervention and scripture the Lord has helped me to see that I have value. If I have value, then you, the reader also have value. But why?

Let's say I have two violins. The first way is made by Crescent Company. The second one is made by some "dead guy" named Anontio Stradivari . Which one is worth more? The one made by Stradivari of course, you exclaim. But, why? Because of WHO made the violin. The maker is what gives it value. It's the same with us. We are priceless, one of kind works of art because of WHO made us. We are the work of His hands, the fruit of His labor. We have undeniable value because the living God created us. It was not an assembly line creation, but that of a craftsman, delicately and precisely crafting each one of in His image.

Warfare Lesson from a FootBall Game

Not this weekend, but last weekend, my Nebraska Corn Huskers lost. And they did not just loose a little bit, they lost in a huge and devastating fashion. I got to thinking about the things that lead to such a horrible loss.

Two things really did them in above all the other minutia of the game. The opposing team scored right away, quick and hard and overwhelmed their will to fight. The other thing was that Nebraska kept giving the other team the ball through fumbles and interceptions. In other words, they kept shooting themselves in the foot. And then the Lord spoke to me.

While I was contemplating the this loss, and some of my own struggles with sin and failure, the Lord spoke to me an object lesson using this football game.

The enemy hates those of us who call Jesus Christ Lord, and who attempt, (all be it feebly at times) to live a life set apart for God. With that hate he tries to either destroy us or cripple us to a point where we are no longer a threat to his evil plans. To do this he will try many things, but among other things he will hit us hard with an attack, a temptation or “problem”. If we are not on our guard, this can have the effect of crippling us to a point were we stop fighting and just let him keep hitting us, just like my Corn Huskers kept letting the opposing team make touch down after touch down.

The other way we fail is that we shoot ourselves in the foot. We do things that seem like innocent little compromises which end up opening us up to a big attack from the enemy of our soul. We keep handing the ball back to the enemy. It might take the form of having the second piece of cake when we know we should not, or taking a second glance at the pretty woman walking down the street. Either way, we know we shouldn’t. It’s not that either these examples are sins in and of themselves, but I know for me, they can lead to sin. We all know what our weaknesses are, those things that will cause us to take the next step, after which leads us into sin and failure. The enemy knows this too and delights in making sure we have ample opportunity to fail.

The point I feel that the Lord was trying to make to me, and indeed all of us, is that we must be on our guard at all times. This is much more important than a football game, and the stakes are much higher. We must train ourselves to be on our guard and be ready to hit the enemy back immediately when he strikes, or else apathy and defeatism settles in and we can barely breathe, much less repulse his attack. We must also discipline ourselves to guard against those things we know will trip us up.

By ourselves, all this is impossible, but with God anything is impossible. He is also merciful and just. And thought I fail a thousand times, still he hears me, forgives me and saves me. To God be the Glory of all I will become.

Do we do what HE says?

I was reading the parable of the house built on rock and the house built on sand. Funny thing is I never realized the question Jesus asked as a preface to this story. He asked "Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord', and do not do what I say?" Whoa! Ouch! Then he goes on to tell us that he who puts his words into practice is like the man who builds on the rock and he who hears but does not put them into practice, is like he who builds on the sand. I feel in many ways that this is an indictment of modern Christiananity, right out of the scripture. We have services, go to potlucks, sing hymns, and then go right back to life as usual with no power, no obedience. The scripture tells us obedience is better than sacrifice.

I think what was attractive to us about the StoreHouse, (the part of the body of Christ we are participating with, i.e. church), after we left our old church, is that is was a group of people who were DOING what He says. Omaha Rapid Response, Angels on Wheels, etc, etc. People not just obeying God on Sunday, but endeavoring to do it everyday. This ties directly into what God is calling my wife and I to. In fact the Lord pointed out to me this morning as I read that the breakthrough we have had the last several weeks did not come until we obeyed, until we took that step of faith and did as He asked. I dare to suppose that when Christians actually obey the word of the Lord, it inspires Him to come through for us in mighty and awesome ways!

First Blog

Ok, so everyone else is doing it, I thought I might as well get a blog as well. : ) Besides it gives me a place can vent things and at least give myself the impression that there are millions listening... ha ha!


So, you might be wondering, where did I come up with Etwal Gade? Well I love astronomy, it's one of my main hobbies. Etwal Gade is Hatian creole for Star watcher, because of course, I watch the stars. I came up with it with the help of a friend when I was in Haiti in May of 2008 on a relief mission with Omaha Rapid Response.