We had a rough go of it for quite a while, over a year with the issues we were having with my second and third born destroying things and acting very badly. However, we have now had 2 ½ weeks of no serious issues with the kids! I believe we have had break through! It’s interesting though, the breakthrough really came in my heart before it materialized in my kid’s behavior.
About three weeks ago I was getting up to get ready for work, I was really feeling discouraged and like God had deserted us. As I rolled out of bed that morning I just had this burning desire to worship. The sense I had was that my life depended on it. So I grabbed my guitar and some music out of my desk and just began worshiping the Lord. As I worshiped I could feel the presence of God come into our bedroom and fill my heart. It had been months since I sensed God in this way. For the first time since it all began I wept as waves of God’s love swept over me. He met me in a deeply personal way. When I was done, I knew we still had problems, but that somehow God was with me and I would be able to stand whatever came.
As I prayed and thought about our situation, I came to realize that what was going on with my kids was a cry for attention. I good friend and I had met about our situation, he mostly just heard me out as I poured out our tale of woe. Later he wrote me an email to tell me of a problem he had with his daughter when she became suicidal, and how he had started just teaching her how to play guitar and all the suicidal stuff just went away. It turns out she just needed more time from daddy.
As I reflected on this and our situation It became clear to me that my kids were crying out for attention. It was at that moment I felt the gentle but heartbreaking conviction of the Lord. Years ago when we were pregnant with our first born I felt that the Lord was impressing upon me that my primary mission field while my children are still in my home, are my children. In the beginning I feel like I did a fairly good job of fulfilling that mandate. However somehow over the years, very gradually, and almost imperceptibly, I lost my focus, my way. The cares and busyness of life began creeping out the important things. I realized that I was short changing my kids.
I did two things immediately, the first is I started making a very conscious effort to spend more time with the kids as a group, and with each one of them one on one. Secondly I stepped down from the Non profit group I have worked with for the last several years. My family has to come first after God. Maybe someday I will go back, but for now my focus is on making sure my 5 precious ones know Jesus.
Now, we are still disciplining when things go wrong, I am not letting them get away with anything, but I am also trying to do a better job of showing them that I love them and value them. IN my book they are second only to my wife, second only to God. If I screw up everything else in life, I want to do this one thing right, that my children would KNOW God!
We made it!
3 years ago
